Ben and I were best friends, we did everything together. Each day I would come home from school and stay in his room until it was time to go to bed. Usually, I would start by sitting on his bed to do my homework. We would read my school books together, followed by his nurse helping me answer the homework questions. Then, we would go on a walk, watch one of his favorite shows (yes, it was always his favorite, not mine), or have the occasional spa night. But the best part was his presence. His presence was love, making sure you knew how loved you were and making sure you knew that he never wanted you to leave. Ben loved company, loved me, and never wanted to be without his people. Therefore, we would always dream of the future we had with each other.
On the days my mom was watching Say Yes to the Dress in Ben's room, he would ensure that you knew what he thought of the dresses. Sometimes it was hard to tell between the “oohs” and the "ews" but, he always had an opinion. After seeing how his thoughts on wedding dresses grew, I promised him he would come wedding dress shopping with me. I had to make sure that on my wedding day, he approved of my dress. But now, these dreams can never be a reality.
Most days Ben, his nurse, and I would go on walks together. But, I would usually catch a ride on my Ben's lap (he never minded). We would bundle up during the cold New England winters to say hi to each of the neighborhood dogs, and the highlight of each walk was feeding our neighbors chickens. After spending these afternoons together, I would imagine that our walks together would never end. I assured him that I would live only a few minutes down the street so I could stop by each day for a walk. He would look at me with those bright blue eyes and give me an excited squeal. But now, who will join me on walks.
Then, I would dream about my future house. I knew that one of the most important features would be the wheelchair ramp. Ben and I did everything together, and I knew I always wanted him to be this involved in my life. As I would tell him about our future movies night and our future sleepovers, his smile would brighten greatly. But now, I realize that a wheelchair ramp is no longer needed.
He had a bright future with me, now it just seems dull. It's hard to imagine living the rest of my life without the person I dreamed about it with.
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